It is almost Autumn again. For the poet, John Keats, it was 'the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness', but for many parents it is the time of year they must face up to their child not being at home for the first time.

When parents have had their children around them for eighteen years or more, the change in the relationship between them is difficult to accept. Coping with a mixture of emotions can be very hard. You are proud of what they have achieved, but know that from now on you will be less aware of what happens to them in life. It sometimes seems harder for the mother who has always been involved with the children. The husband, who is probably working too many hours, is perhaps too occupied to appreciate her feelings.

You probably feel less needed, but in reality sons and daughters need emotional support even more. We are used to young people being confident, but many are skilled at hiding their worries. We must conceal our sadness at parting from our children. They need reassurance that they have somewhere to come back to. Don't be too eager to make major changes. Clearing out their bedroom and renting it out may seem a good idea, but it gives the wrong message. They may need a refuge.

The departure of children can bring about friction between parents. Instead of bickering, you need to talk about this change in your life and discuss what you would both like to do with your time together. This will probably not be easy, as for the past eighteen years, most conversations have been about your children. Now there should be time to enjoy each other's company again.

Your child may be returning for their second or third years and you will have been enjoying the luxury of seeing your children again. Those who have survived a year of their children being away from them, may be able to share their experiences with parents who are now facing the first period of separation.

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